My Shadow Side

Years ago when I was in the midst of changing career change, all the hustle and grind left me feeling overwhelmed, burned out, disorganized, out of sorts, and unhealthy in my body.

Sure, I reached the “goal” and got the role I wanted, but it cost me so much more in terms of my friendships, my health, my peace of mind, my finances, and my family.

It wasn’t until I took inventory of what was really, deeply important to me, and realigned my priorities and actions, that I started to dig myself out of the pit that I’d dug.

I vowed to myself to never go back to that way of living—no matter what the goal.

I tell you that unapologetically and to demonstrate that with any strength, there is a shadow side. My coach helped me become mindful of how my strengths—high ambition & drive—nearly drove me into the ground.

I got sh*t done—no matter what obstacles were in the way—but at the cost of everything else that was important to me.

• No time to workout. I’ll be fine. I’ll start working out again after I finish this project.

• Breakfast? I’m not hungry until lunchtime anyway (as I would inhale a croissant sandwich & any other filling carbs b/c I was starving by then)

• Forgot to send a birthday gift & card to my BFF. I’ll send her text message and promise to take her to dinner when she’s back in Los Angeles.

• I’m too busy at work to fly home to Ohio. I’ll go visit in the fall instead, my family understands.

If you’re a high-performing woman like me, I imagine you can identify with this cycle of leaning into your strengths like having high determination and delivering 99.9% of the time.

I’m also willing bet that if you’re feeling overwhelmed & stressed out, these very same strengths that are serving you so well on one hand, are causing you to compromise parts of your life that are important.

Once I got clarity about what was important to me, got my mind right, and started being more intentional & protective about my choices, life truly opened for me and I felt free.

If you’re ready to shift out of the burnout routine and into more spacious and free living, pay attention!

I’m offering for the first time a small group coaching program, Reclamation, where I will you on how to:

1. Get clear on your values,

2. Take out the head trash such as fear of not performing/doing well, and

3. Put some boundaries in place.

Women I’ve supported with my framework have been able to shift to living in a way that honors their responsibilities & goals, while still pouring into themselves and not getting to that place of feeling completely spent and depleted.

If you’re ready to learn more about reclaiming your peace of mind and happiness, schedule a call to talk about it with me to learn more and see if you’re a good fit for the program.

Live well,

Gigi

No Wonder You’re Stress Eating

A former client who still reads my newsletters responded to Tuesday’s email:

Now you’re seeing the end-result, but let me tell you how ate-up her situation was when she contacted me.

On our first call, she was frustrated by recent unwanted weight gain and asked (okay, begged) me to support her with meal plans.

Despite my love for food and nutrition, I told her matter-of-factly,

“I don’t do meal plans. I don’t believe in diets. They don’t work, so I’m not going to coach you down that path.”

In our 30 min Breakthrough Session, I quickly got to the root of her newly plumped rump.

Peep this out: She had just started a new job. Oh, and she was replacing the predecessor who had served as the head of the department for 30 years.

And, as the new leader of this department—she was the youngest person on the team.

But wait. The plot thickens.

She was also about to get married!

And yes, there’s still more.

She had just moved across the country—to Washington D.C.—a beast of a place to land.

A new high-powered job, upcoming nuptials, and a cross-country move to a new city.
All within a few months.

“Honey, a meal plan ain’t gonna help you.”

Now, I could have easily signed a coaching contract right there, taken her money, and dished out weekly meal plans.
My job would have been super simple and completed with just a few hours of my time.

But that’s not how I get down.

I explained to her that my coaching takes an all-inclusive look at her life: career, relationships, finances, health, environment, and more.

Had I just asked her questions about what she’s eating and how much she is (or isn’t) exercising, I would have totally missed the root cause of her problem:

She was stressed the fu*# out!

She was coping with stress-eating.

She was working early mornings and late nights, completely neglecting her sleep and her body.

Had I just focused on her diet & exercise habits, she would have ended right back in the same depressing situation.

But I did something different.

I taught her about mindfulness so she could be aware of all the self-destructive thoughts and behaviors.

We examined her relationships and I coached her through some Courageous Conversations with her staff and soon-to-be-hubby.

We spent time implementing boundaries where she had none.

This allowed her to re-prioritize her choices and how she spent her time.

And I provided consistent and encouraging accountability.

In the end, she lost the weight…and then some.

She came off three blood-pressure medications & blood thinners by the time our coaching partnership concluded.

All without me giving her a single meal plan or exercise program.

Like her email says, she learned how to prioritize what’s important to her, set boundaries, and live mindfully.

She feels incredible and free.

If you want your life to look and feel different, you need to do something different.

Binge dieting, New Year’s resolutions, a new job/car/man/house/child…how’s that worked out for you?

Stop lying to yourself.

Stop telling yourself that a new high-paying career with a better boss will solve all your problems.

Stop being so hard on yourself, thinking “I just need to be more disciplined.”

Stop thinking that a new man who loves you is all you need to be happy.

Stop it.

If you’re ready to do something different,  book a complementary Breakthrough Session and let’s talk about it

Live well,

Gigi

P.S. If you want to be a good friend, share this article with someone.

All in a Day’s Work?

As I picked up my 5 y/o son from summer camp, he immediately asked, “Is Daddy home? Will he be there when we get home?”

“Daddy is at work already, Honey,” I replied.

“Awww, man. Why does Daddy have to go to work?”

Pause.

Now, I didn’t even get a “Hello, Mommy” or “Thank you” despite curtailing my schedule so I could pick him up at 3pm, and not leave him in aftercare for hours.

What I really wanted to say was, “Daddy has to go to work to pay for all this sh*t you enjoy. From summer camps, to light-up shoes, to swimming…this stuff costs money! —You ungrateful little turd.”

But thank goodness I was mindful, and restrained myself from barking out a resentful reaction, crushing his sensitive spirit, causing him to spend hours in therapy as an adult to undo all the inflicted “Mother Trauma.”

Instead, I replied, “Daddy goes to work to share all his talents, abilities, gifts, and skills with others. He likes the feeling of being able to share and make others feel good.”

Then I brought it down to his 5 y/o level:

“Remember when you felt bad for Michael after his bike was stolen? You wanted to draw him that bicycle picture. How did it feel to give it to him?”

“Good,” he replied.

“How do you think it made Michael feel?” I asked.

“Better,” he said.

“And remember when you played the piano for your friends and family? How did that feel?”

“I liked it, and Ms. Dhar (his teacher) smiled. It made her happy,” he said blushing. 

I told him, “See—just like Daddy, you go to “work” by using your unique talents, abilities, gifts, and skills to help & serve others!”

And I could tell by the gleam in his eyes that he was getting it.

“Mommy! I want to make a video for Auntie Micka to tell her how her new car works!”
(Anyone who has met him, knows that calling my son is a “Car Aficionado” is putting it lightly.)

Real talk: I was proud of myself for pulling that lesson off completely on the fly, all while maneuvering through LA traffic, no less!
Super grateful to have gotten an intuitive download on how to respond vs. the reaction I wanted to fire off!
And I'm feeling *hopeful* to have laid a positive foundation for him around this idea of “work” and not this bad thing one has to do with dread.

So what about you, dear reader?

How is your mindset around your “work?”

Are you waking up each day and feeling grateful to use your unique talents, abilities, gifts, and skills to help & serve others?

Is your “work” worth the tradeoff of being separated from your family?
Or in some cases, delaying even having a family, if you want one?

My wish for you is that you feel JOY in your “work” and fulfilling your purpose.

If you’re feeling more like your work is anything less, or you’re merely working a j-o-b to pay the bill$, then let’s talk.

I’ve been there. Ohhhh, have I been there.

I’ve had jobs where I feel like I’m merely trading my time for money, just so I can go give it all away to pay outrageous rental rates in Los Angeles.

Meanwhile, all those unique talents, abilities, gifts, and skills…they were silently dying inside, desperate to get out and express. Longing to make me feel more connected to my purpose and passions.

Fortunately, I made changes in my life (which is why you’re reading this article).
And equally important, I’ve become really good at helping people to use their unique talents, abilities, gifts, and skills to help & serve others.

If you’d like a different experience in your "work," then book a complementary Breakthrough Session and let’s talk about it

Live well,

Gigi

P.S. If you want to be a good friend, share this article with someone who could use a positive paradigm shift.

Fishnet Pantyhose

"People only do to you what you allow."

That has been my motto for dealing with complaints and dissatisfaction.

What domain of your life do you feel like you have healthy boundaries?
Where do you tend to have porous boundaries?

A simple litmus test to figure this out: Pause and consider—

"Where in my life do I feel peace, fulfillment & joy?"

That's probably a place where you've got healthy boundaries.
Kudos to you!
For me, what comes to mind is: work, my health/body/mind, my children, my finances, and my friends & family relationships.

Next, ask yourself:
"Where in my life am I feeling heavier emotions like stress, overwhelm, guilt, or frustration?"

Probably a place where your boundaries look a little more like fishnet pantyhose.

Cue Morris Day!

In my life, this struggle is most prevalent in my marriage.

Parenting has definitely put a strain on our relationship.
With opposing work schedules and young/small children, it's easy for us to slip into "co-parenting roommates."

To protect our marriage, we have to be extra-intentional about putting boundaries in place
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
-And usually in the form of what I call "Yes-Boundaries"... those that enable you to say "Yes" to yourself.

"Yes" to more sex & intimacy
"Yes" to more day dates & date nights
"Yes" to more conversations NOT centered on our children

The boundaries work in this area has looked like having what I call Courageous Conversations:
Me expressing my needs/wants/desires, along with my frustrations.

I love to connect with people, so hit reply and share with me:
1. Where do you feel you have healthy boundaries, and
2. Where in your life do your boundaries look a little more like fishnet pantyhose???

Want to put on some control-top pantyhose and feel a little more support?
Schedule a complementary Breakthrough Session with me.
We'll talk about where you are vs. where you want to be and explore some strategies to fill the holes & gaps!

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Want More Peace & Freedom In Your Life? Read THIS

One characteristic about a high-performing woman is she often carries far too much. She’s the ever reliable, get-it-done person at work. Her friends can always count on her, whether it’s to organize a shower or simply commiserate together. She is the nucleus for her entire family, managing everyone’s needs. Plus, she is often ready to lend a hand to support her community.

While holding space for so many often provides a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, it can leave her feeling overwhelmed and burned out. She is trapped in this cycle of going and doing, only to crash and soothe with vices like stress-eating and wine binges.

As a high-performing woman, you’ve probably had days (maybe even weeks, months, or a whole Pandemic) like this. You desperately want to stop feeling spread so thin, but the thought of not doing all that you do, is equally terrifying.

You think, “That annual report for work is way too important and I don’t want to risk someone on my team making a mistake.”

You tell yourself, “I’ll do all those forms for CCUSD’s school registration because my husband just won’t follow all the tedious instructions, and I can’t risk my child not getting their spot—or gasp!—missing the language immersion lottery!”

There are many roots to this thorny bush of “doing it all.” At her core, a high-performing woman is wired for excellence. Yet, this becomes a problem when high standards turns into perfectionism, and then she feels the only way to get the job done right is to do it all herself.

This mindset provides a sense of control and makes a woman feel like she has it all together, but it leads to resentment and exhaustion. Moreover, it stands squarely between her and the peace she craves.

This year I had to tame my inner-control-freak tell her to sit her behind down. 
I delegated all the kid's covid-testing demands and after-care school registration stuff to my husband.

Do you know what happened?

The mundane—BUT IMPORTANT!—tasks got done without a hitch.
I didn't have to go back and re-do stuff. 
I didn't get calls from the school.
My son didn't miss any school days due to botched testing or missing paperwork.
In fact, my son got a coveted after-care spot in a high-demand program.

There's more.

I freed up the mental capacity I need to write more and channel all my creative juices. 
BONUS!
I got out of having to deal with the ornery after-care lady and the 15,000 steps required to submit her paperwork!

When one decides to create a life that fosters peace and freedom, it’s necessary to delegate.

Delegation gives back time and creates spaciousness for joy. It helps build trust, promotes collaboration, and improves communication.

With all this goodness to be had, it’s essential for a high-performing woman to start to delegate daily. What will you delegate today?

Hit reply and let me know where you can let go and let someone else do for you. 

Don't know where to begin? Feeling overwhelmed just by the thought of pausing the high-powered bullet train of your life? 

Click here to talk about it in a complementary breakthrough session. We'll discuss ways to create some more spaciousness and ease in your life. 

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Breadwinner Burnout

“Gigi, I don’t want to betray myself and stay too long.”

Stacey found herself in a role that no longer "lit her up" when she went to work. She was carrying added responsibilities—without the promotion that was “in the works” for several months. She felt her company’s leadership wasn’t guiding the team toward the outcomes she envisioned and knew was possible. She was tired of being the token “Only” in management and being cast as the “Office Oprah,” listening to everyone else’s problems…as if she didn’t have real shit to deal with.

Moreover, she wanted to feel more spaciousness and time for herself, her health, her family & friends. She was worn-out from working during the day and in the margins of nights & weekends.
She was O-V-E-R. It.

Stacey had already stayed beyond her expiration date. Things were already starting to stench.

She expressed to me a deep desire to make a make a major change in her career, but…

-Her family depends heavily on her earnings.
-Her husband’s work helps, but doesn’t make a big enough financial dent where she felt she could just quit her job to “find herself” or go start-up a new biz.
-She was already overwhelmed by her current responsibilities, let alone all the energy and work needed to find a new high-paying position doing work she loved.

I’m seeing more and more women, especially WOC, in a similar position.

Over the last decade Latina, Asian, and Black woman have been graduating college and attaining advanced degrees at higher rates than their male counterparts.

They have overachieved themselves into roles and routines that burn them out.
Moreover, they tend toward over-doing for others and under-loving themselves.
And let’s not forget single moms—which account for over 65% of Black working women—the Breadwinner Burnout is R.E.A.L.

Some women stop and wonder, “How did I get here?”

And if she’s courageous enough (or just burned-the-fuck-out enough) she’ll ask,
“How do I get out?”

Like you, dear Reader, Stacey—a high-performing woman—has courage in spades.

She reached out and got support.
I’ll let her tell the rest in her own words:

“In working with Gigi, I was able to work through the root causes of my burn out and why I was deprioritizing myself. I still struggle with putting myself first, and likely will always face this challenge, but I found a way to work through this and past it in a much more effective way. She helped me identify my values, coping skills, and practical ways to live the life I have full potential to lead. She did it with grace, vulnerability, and discipline, all of which helped me feel safe to truly put in the tough work and shift my mind and actions to prioritize myself. In the course of several months together, I was able to practically integrate physical activity back into my life and schedule, be more present with my kids when we were together, create better boundaries at work, and land a dream job with a work culture more in line with my values.”

Y’all. Don’t sleep on what Stacey accomplished.

-Yes, she got a new job doing work she loves and is passionate about.
-Yes, she got a substantial pay raise and title bump.
-But she did it without having to skimp on family time, without going days (let’s keep it real…weeks) neglecting her body by skipping workouts and stress-eating & binge drinking.

Stacey re-defined and realized a higher quality of life.
A sustainable quality of life.

Reader, whether you work with me or not, I want you to know:

1. You’re not alone in what you’re experiencing.

2. You are enough. You are worthy of living the life you want.

3. You can “Have it All” in your career and life without compromising your body, your mental well-being, your relationships, and your happiness.

If you’re ready to ditch working from a place of fear and obligation, click here to schedule a complementary Breakthrough call.

P.S. Catch me Live on FB this Thursday, June 2nd at 1pm PT/4pm ET where we’ll talk more about the Breadwinner Burnout phenomenon. Click here for the live link.

P.P.S. Do a good deed and forward this to woman who needs to know.

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Reclamation Through Action

“WOC are not taught to take “Me time” said Veronica.

We were discussing her challenges with returning to work in her new VP role after having birthed her first baby while trying to create space for her well-being. She was really struggling.

In addition to the fatigue from sleep deprivation, she was mentally fraught with guilt and negative thoughts about leaving her son, Jordan, to go to work. The stress made her breast milk production crash, turning every pumping session into frustration, sadness, and anger.

The feelings carried over into her work and showed up as anxiety about performing at a high level. She was promoted just before leaving the team for maternity leave, and felt a self-imposed pressure to prove herself as reliable, capable, competent, worthy of the promotion. She was even feeling guilty about “accepting” the promotion and then “ghosting her team.” To make up for it, she was going hard at work, very conscious of not wanting her colleagues to think motherhood made her any less of a stellar team member.

Veronica was killing it at work and then coming home and giving all that was left to Jordan.

The routine was killing her.

That’s how she ended up on a call with me.

“WOC are not taught to take “Me time,” she said with defensiveness and frustration in her voice.

That remark laid heavy on my heart.

The truth definitely hurts.

For Gen X and early Gen Y women of color, what many of us saw growing up were women like Clair Huxtable with ‘80s shoulder pads and briefcases steeped deeply in the performative, masculine energy of DOING…the thing and climbing the ladders.

I saw my mother model this and I was SO proud of her.
She was a sole woman on an all-male team in the government contracting world.
She was the bad bitch in the boardroom. (At least in my mind!)

However, just like on television, I never saw “Me Time” and self-care claimed and taken…much less lived out like a practice.

I also witnessed how examples of self-care were in service to the external world.

My big sister would wake up suuuuper early, take the bus across multiple cities for a 6am appointment to get her hair pressed and laid. All so she could be cute for roaming the mall and catching the attention of boys.

And can’t let that fly-from-the-beauty-salon look go to waste!

She’d barely sleep Saturday night. She was conscious not to move too much and mess up her hair!

It had to still look good for church on Sunday morning!

As a young girl living in the hippy-dippy village of Yellow Springs in the ‘80s, I saw inner self-care practices like meditation and yoga practiced only by weird white people wearing tie-dye shirts, Birkenstocks, and dreadlocks. (That’s a topic for a whole ‘nother newsletter)

The ‘80s and ‘90s exercise-craze and diet-culture were fueled by white folx likes Richard, Suzanne & Jane, and like hair care, also rooted in and motivated by attaining white standards of beauty. Billy Blanks’ Taebo movement definitely got Black folks moving (yay!), but even in those videos he stood as “the only” in a supporting cast of white fitness goers.

To unlearn the acculturation of a patriarchal, capitalistic system that makes a woman feel bad—shameful—for pausing…doing “nothing”…being…rather than DOing, one must:

• Have awareness of the immense benefit that comes from taking time for thyself.

• Then she must know she is worthy of the time, the benefits, the cost

• And then she must act.

Reclamation through action.

Take the nap.

Go on the vacation.

Calendar the weekly massage.

Push back on externally-imposed unrealistic deadlines that eat into Me Time.

Let the children wait.

Schedule the daily meditation and movement time.

Go into nature.

If you’re ready to reclaim YOU. Here’s a couple ways I am here to support:

1. Join me LIVE on FB this Thursday, 5/26 at 1pm PT/4pm ET to talk about and get your questions answered on making space for Me Time. We’ll talk barriers, mindset, boundary setting, and more!

2. Book a Breakthrough Session to see if we’re a fit for 1:1 coaching

Now help someone else. Send this to another woman who needs to know she is worthy of Me Time.

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Patience is Confidence

“Patience is confidence!” shouted my running coach this morning in the middle of a tempo run. The goal of a temp run is to remain at a steady, consistent pace over a certain duration.

Sounds simple. Easy even.

The challenge is to NOT slip into the mode of go-go-go. Faster! Faster! Faster!

—Especially in the beginning when you when you just want to get the run DONE with already.

“Patience is confidence”…I thought about it over and over again as I steadied my pace and breathing.

What am I confident in?

I reminded myself, “I will finish the run. I have enough mental and physical stamina to finish. I’ve done this before. I was victorious previously; I will finish again. While THIS is a brand-new run on a new day, I’ve been in this situation before…starting and finishing something new, yet familiar.”

“Patience is confidence.” “

How does this apply outside of my movement & fitness?” I asked.

Patience Defined: the ability to remain calm when dealing with delay, or a difficult or annoying situation, task, or person.

This is so timely in my business right now. I’m preparing a new group-based program (that many of you have asked for!) and my business coach has been encouraging me to remain steadfast and consistent—despite the challenges of doing something new—and with the desire to want to do it all. Right now.

I’m having to practice patience, along with trust with the process, and really rely on my self-confidence and to remember that I will eventually finish and accomplish my goal.

For reassurance, I’m taking stock of all the new things I’ve started and saw to completion. This reminder is bolstering my confidence.

There’s more though.

Because I’m feeling patient with myself and the process, I’m feeling S P A C I O U S.

What this means is that I’m not working from a place of fear, worry, and anxiety—the ugly, three-headed horseman that inevitably tries to derail any change & progress—especially when something is new and the stakes are high.

This reminder, this confidence in myself, means I’m notrushing to get it done, and burning myself out in the process.

“Patience is Confidence.”

This looks like steadiness in my work, while having the confidence to pause and go for a run, knowing that the work project will get done—and done very well.

This looks like taking time to go to my son’s art show without thinking & worrying about the litany of tasks awaiting me.

This looks like taking a real lunch break and eating outside in the sunshine and not mindlessly inhaling carbs while banging out content on my computer.

In working with so many high-performing women—I see them forgettingthis confidence in themselves.

Forgetting…

How dependable they are.

How consistent they are.

How much fortitude they have.

How much excellence they put into anything they touch.

How many times they’ve finished and succeeded.

And in this forgetting, they give up pieces of themselvesin order to effort and will their way to finishing and succeeding.

In doing so, they compromise their bodies, their mental health, their relationships, and ultimately how they feel about themselves in the end.

As my coach inspired me, I encourage you to ruminate on the qualities that you, a high-performing woman, embody—and have confidence in yourself and trust you will finish whatever it is you’re working on, and inject a heavy dose of patience with yourself. Now go create some spaciousness for YOU.

Hit reply and let me know, what spaciousness are you going to create today? Tomorrow?

Still feeling stuck?

Schedule a complementary breakthrough call and we’ll discuss some ways you can increase your patience, confidence, and S P A C I O U S N E S S.

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Want More Balance & Freedom? – You Need This

One characteristic of a high-performing woman is that she often carries far too much. She’s the ever reliable, get-it-done person at work. Her friends can always count on her, whether it’s to organize a shower or simply commiserate together. She is the nucleus of her entire family, managing everyone’s needs. Plus, she is often ready to lend a hand to support her community.

While holding space for so many often provides a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, it can leave her feeling overwhelmed and burned out. She is trapped in this cycle of going and doing, only to crash and soothe with vices like stress-eating and wine binges.

As a high-performing woman, you’ve probably had days (maybe even weeks, months, or a whole pandemic) like this. You desperately want to stop feeling spread so thin, but the thought of not doing all that you do is equally terrifying.

You tell yourself, “I’ll do all those forms for school registration because my husband just won’t follow all the tedious instructions, and I can’t risk my child not getting their spot – or gasp! – missing the language immersion lottery!”

There are many roots to this thorny bush of “doing it all.” At her core, a high-performing woman is wired for excellence. Yet, this becomes a problem when high standards turn into perfectionism, and then she feels the only way to get a job done right is to do it all herself.

This mindset provides a sense of control and makes a woman feel like she has her 'ish together, but it leads to resentment and exhaustion. Moreover, it stands squarely between her and the peace she craves.

When one decides to create a life that fosters balance and freedom, it’s ESSENTIAL to delegate.

This season I have been practicing delegating more of our child-related responsibilities to my husband. (Notice "our," not "my" responsibilities...words are powerful y'all!)

• Rapid Covid testing for school...off my plate

• Booking Air BNB for family vacay...not my problem

• School forms of ALL types...buh-bye

• Dental cleanings, vaccine appointments, well child check-ups...farewell! sayonara! ciao!

Delegation gives back time and creates space for joy. It helps build trust, promotes collaboration, and improves communication.

Now I'm freed up with more time for moi...without the infamous guilt trips we high-performing women are really good at.

Even more y'all, my relationship is healing.
I'm not feeling bitter about the disproportionate share of childcare duties that was created when I felt I needed to be the one doing everything that was highly important.
Instead, I am trusting my husband more.

Plus, my husband has been lavishing me with sentiments of appreciation practically every single day.

With all this goodness to be had, it’s essential for a high-performing woman to delegate . . . DAILY. What will you delegate today? Hit reply and let me know what are you going to dish out.

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Reclaim Your Power

As a high-performing woman, you may find yourself faced with overwhelming pressure and in need of a break. At those times, it’s essential to know how to reclaim your power and get back to your best self.

Power is the ability to create your own circumstances. The truth is, you can’t thrive without power. It affects the way you live, your relationships, your emotions, and your performance.

When you give away your power, you start to lose functionality in the areas of your life that fuel peace, growth, and joy and allow you to feel whole. You may feel powerless when you’re doing things that don’t align with your values, feel fear (or guilt!) for saying “No,” or feel like you have no control over your current situation.

I was feeling this in my business recently. With all the growth I’ve gained in the past 8 months (Woohoo! Gratitude!) I was finding myself feeling overwhelmed—and powerless—with all the added responsibilities and client demands. I found myself mired in the muck of additional administrative stuff that needs to be done, but doesn’t truly bring me joy to do.

Realizing the work demands outstripped my bandwidth, I got help. I hired a (fabulous!) marketing assistant. By doing this I re-established my ability to focus on the work I love (serving clients!) and put some boundaries around what I don’t want filling my calendar.

The added cost more than justifies the PEACE I feel not having to deal with feeling swamped and falling behind on deliverables. Not to mention the added SLEEP I’m getting because I’m not staying up late to hammer out work. Moreover, by freeing myself up to focus on what I value and enjoy, I show up differently. There is a tangible energy shift when I’m with clients and with my family (just as my husband!). Finally, soon after I made this adjustment, I got confirmed for a national keynote speaking gig!

I don’t think it’s coincidental.

My time is now more spacious.

My mind isn’t cluttered with energy-sucking tasks.

Creativity and ideation come with ease and excitement.

By working in my zone of brilliance, my confidence remains steady and high.

To realize meaningful change, power is essential, and personal power, which is the beginning of any other type of power, starts within. Here are four ways you can step boldly into your power and stay there:

1. Self-Awareness

One needs to have self-awareness to know when life is feeling misaligned. Regularly check-in with yourself to ask, “How am I doing?” and “How is this working out for me?”

2. Identify Your Values & Live in Them

Your values are the guidepost, or compass, that direct your choices. Honor yourself and don’t be so quick to compromise your values. What’s important to you? If you value health, make sure your choices align with creating a healthier lifestyle. If you value connection, spend time developing healthy relationships with others — and with yourself.

3. Self-Responsibility

Self-responsibility is at the core of making change. No one is going to do it for you. Hold yourself accountable (or find a pal to help), and do what you say you’re going to do so that you can truly experience the joy and peace you crave.

4. Set Boundaries

Knowing yourself enough to know what you’re willing to experience is essential to growing in your power. Saying “No” and setting limits aren’t weaknesses; they’re strengths. Remember: who/what holds power over your energy ultimately holds power over you!

It is only through reclaiming your personal power that you will be able to have financial, emotional, relational and spiritual power.

Hit reply and let me know: Where in your life do you feel you need to reclaim your power?

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

The Secret to Confidence

Hey friend,

Happy International Women’s Day.

In my world, every day is a cause for the celebration and empowerment of women, so I'm not here to take up too much of your time.

I just wanted to say, while the world uses today to
recognize women's achievement,
raise awareness against bias, and
take action for equality,
I encourage you to take a moment to Celebrate Yourself.

In whatever form that looks like, pause, and pick one thing to acknowledge and celebrate about yourself.

It’s sounds simple, but for a high-performing woman, it ain’t easy.

Merely accepting a compliment is an uphill challenge.

Friend: “This pie is delicious!”

You: “Oh, I totally screwed up the crust and forgot to seal the edges…And I made the top layer too thin.”

Uh-huh. See what I mean.

The point is, extend yourself the appreciation you give to others, that gentle whisper of “I see you.
You matter.
You are frickin’ phenomenal.”

Why am I suggesting you celebrate yourself?

Confidence.

Why confidence and what’s it got to do with celebration?

Con-fi-dence (noun): a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

There are many definitions, and this one, in particular, I really like because it highlights appreciation of oneself.

By its very definition, to have confidence, a woman must recognize and celebrate herself.

Ap-pre-ci-a-tion (noun): recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.

This simple act of recognizing and celebrating your talents, skills, abilities, and qualities signals to yourself that you are valued. You are worthy.

Another thing about confidence: it is not an innate, fixed characteristic.

It’s an ability that can be acquired and improved over time.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

One can influence their felt sense of confidence.

Magic Recipe for Confidence:

Excavate the Evidence + Celebrate Yourself

Here’s an IRL example.

I recently was feeling all sorts of uncertainty and overwhelm with a parenting decision.

My sinking ship of confidence was setting off distress flares everywhere:

• Seeking out other people’s opinions

• Not trusting my own judgment

• Blaming others (e.g. my husband)

• Needing approval

• Fearing the future

• Worrying about what other people would think about my choice

I had to stop.

I was getting nowhere but more anxious and worried with all this looking and seeking outside myself.

I took a moment to think about all the wins I have had as a parent.

(Newsflash: We high-performing women have been conditioned to not enjoy–much less take ownership of–our own success.)

I made a list of some of my recent proud parenting choices & qualities.

• Being (mostly!) present with my children.

• Having courageous conversations with my son to admit when I am wrong or sorry.

• Letting my son have a 2nd helping of cornbread/cookies/dessert (particularly when my inner food police want to scream “No!”)

• Allowing my daughter the space to flex her fiercely independent spirit–despite my apprehension, like when she wanted to boldly walk across the balance beam on the second-story play structure at the park!

Looking at my list, made me smile in the face of the decision at hand.

I felt, “You are doing a very thoughtful and good job, Gigi. You got this.”

I celebrated myself.

I played my favorite Bruno Mars song (Uptown Funk) and danced around the kitchen.

I gave myself the gift of some extra me-time (and let my son stay in after-care at school for the afternoon)!

The worry and fear started to soften and fade.

I stopped catastrophizing, steeped into the quiet confidence that lives inside, and zeroed in on my decision.

Exhale.

I’m curious, so hit reply and share with me:

What do you acknowledge about yourself and how will you celebrate?

Live well,

Gigi Gibbs

Moms...you need to read this

One of my clients works herself to the bone.

She works 50+ hours a week…

...and is up, working late into the night, sleeping next to her laptop...

...all so that she can provide a better life for her family and her children.

There’s a deeper reason why she works this hard, though:

it's what she saw growing up.

Her parents worked long days, hustling to take care of her and her family.

Now, decades later, here she is doing the same damn thing as an adult.

She’s unconsciously repeating this cycle.

As kids, our parents, family, and community are our role models for how to exist in this world (for better or worse).

We learn how we are supposed to be in this world — what to be stressed about, fearful of, and how much we should work — all from watching our parents, family, and community.

...that means her kids are more than likely to grow up, and overwork themselves and stress over money and work, too.

Not to mention overworking and stressing out at the cost of neglecting their bodies and well-being

I don’t know about you, but that's not what she wants for her kids.

She wants her kids to live a life of joy, take days off, and she certainly doesn’t want them to feel stressed and overwhelmed like she does.

She wants them to know that their worth is not based on what they do, or how much money they make.

She wants them to chase their dreams, and do what they love - even if its not the "smart" or "right" thing to do.

Here’s the important part every parent needs to read:

It doesn't matter how much my client tells her kids what she wants for them.

She has to show them by being that example.

Sure, she could tell her children, "Go create a life of joy!"

But when they watch her do the exact opposite every day, their brain will start to create stories that say:

“honoring my body isn’t worth the time,

pursuing my purpose is unsafe and doesn’t make enough money, and

it’s all less important than working hard at a soul-crushing job.

Because if it was the right thing to do, why wouldn’t mommy be doing it?”

Can I ask you a serious question?

What do you want for your kids?
What kind of life do you want them to lead?

Do you want them to:

• Fulfill their dreams?

• Follow their purpose?

• Honor their intuition?

• Feel less stressed and more joy?

• Know that they are worthy, every minute of every day?

I promise you - it is possible to:

• Be more confident

• Fulfill your purpose on this earth

• Rest more

• Stress less

• EnJOY your life

...while also being able to provide for your family.

I know, because this is the work I do with clients all of the time inside my 1:1 coaching practice.

If I’m being honest, working with parents is my most fulfilling work, because every single one of the tools and lessons I teach you…

...you get to pass along to your children, so they can feel more joy, more confidence, and more peace ... even in a white supremacist world that wants to make children of color feel small.

When you’re a parent, doing the work to get rid of imposter syndrome, hustling and grinding yourself to death, perfectionism, and all the things that keep you small, isn’t selfish at all.

It’s a gift for you and your kids,

so you can teach them the tools and resources we all wish we had decades ago.

This is leaving a legacy.

It’s a gift for them, because when you start showing up as your thriving, confident, glorious self — you’ll show them that it’s possible to lead of life of joy…

...even if you weren’t born rich, white, and with generations of privilege to help you get by.

Are you ready to be that example for your children?

If so, then we should talk about working together.

In my 1:1 coaching program, I support women and femmes of color to find more:

• peace

• joy

• confidence

• freedom

• energy, and more ease.

Along the way, we’ll help you stop:

• feeling like an imposter or like you’re "not enough"

• struggling with perfectionism

• compromising you body and mind

• saying “yes" to shit you don’t want to do

• overthinking everything

• feeling scared to fail

• avoiding speaking your truth in your business, relationships, or work

• being your own worst enemy, if you’re being honest.

It’s time for you to not only change your life…

...but BE the change your kids need to see in this world.

You ready?

Apply here.

When you apply to work with me, I’ll map out what is in your way of feeling confident, fulfilling your purpose, and having a thriving life right now- and what you need to overcome.

This is an individualized process based on your unique circumstances (No templated shit here.)

So don’t sleep on this opportunity to get support, and finally claim the thriving life you’ve been dreaming of.

The application is waiting for you here.

Live well,

Gigi

Struggle to take time off? Here’s why

I’ve been feeling some type of way this week…

…because I’m taking some time off.

I should be excited, thrilled even—

But instead, I’m facing a ton of resistance.

Why?

Because I don’t have a “good” reason to take time off.

I’m not going on vacation, I don’t have big plans...

I’m just doing it because, well, I can.

(and because, if we’re being honest, your girl is tired as hell.)

I know I’m not alone here.

I know you also struggle to take time off.

(hell, you probably even struggle to take small breaks during the day)

When you finally allow yourself to take the break you need, you likely feel a little guilty…

Because you “should” be working…doing...achieving

You didn’t really need that time off

There are so many “productive” or “care-giving” activities that you should be doing

The list goes on and on.

Let’s talk about why it’s so hard for us to sit our asses down.

Spoiler alert: it’s capitalism.

Capitalism teaches us from an early age that our worth & value as a human being lies exclusively in our ability to produce.

We are only as valuable as the amount of money we make…

...and as folks who were socialized as women, we are also simultaneously only as valuable as the amount of care-taking that we do.
(But don’t you dare ask for money for that!)

Capitalism teaches you that your work is your identity.

(Think about how quickly you ask someone what they “do” when you meet them.)

We’ve learned to define our self-worth based on what we accomplish...or don’t.

Lately, capitalism has even conned us into believing that our work should be our purpose.

It’s no wonder that you feel uncomfortable taking time off, because when we view ourselves through capitalism’s lens (which we always do), if we aren’t working then we are:

• Worthless

• Not providing value to the world & our families

• Purposeless

• Ignoring a big part of our identity

Damn, when you look at it that way, it’s no wonder we struggle to take time off.

But here's what I know.

You are NOT interested in working 24/7 or “doing it all.”

You know deep down that traditional “success” doesn’t lead to the happiness we’ve been promised —

—if you thought it did, you wouldn’t be reading this email.

You know that our ancestors worked hard so that we would have better lives & opportunities,

not so that we could work ourselves into the fucking ground as well.

You know the best way to honor your ancestors is to sit your ass down as much as possible,

because if they could have, they would have.

So, how do you do it?

1. Notice when you’re resisting taking time off (even a 15-minute break) & mark it as internalized capitalism (no matter how “rational” it seems).
   

2. Ask yourself, “What am I worried will happen if I take a break?” If you’re up for it, write it all down.
   

3. Once you know what you’re worried about — make a mental note and mark it as unhelpful.
   Even if the thought is true/ feels true … it’s unhelpful if it stops you from resting/ taking care of yourself.
   

4. Choose a more helpful thought that feels true for right now.
   
   Examples:
   It’s okay to rest. Resting doesn’t make me a slacker.
   I have more than enough time & energy to do what matters to me.
   I am whole. I am enough.
   I will do what I can today, and it is enough. My life is already beautiful.

5. Rinse, wash, & repeat this process whenever your internalized capitalism pops up.

...without feeling guilty, like a failure, or just like you’re lazy as hell.

But I’ll be honest-

This ‘ish takes time.

It takes reinforcement.

And if you’ve got self-worth trauma or generational trauma that leads you to chase after traditional success…

… no amount of choosing new, helpful thoughts is going to help you, because there’s real ass trauma that needs to be resolved.

(and in case you didn’t know, as a person of color, you very likely have generational trauma around capitalism, because this entire system was built on our blood, sweat, & tears.)

Are you ready to rest guilt-free?

Are you ready to feel like you’re worth more than your work?

Are you ready to release the hold that internalized capitalism has on you?

If so, then we should talk about working together.

Through highly individualized coaching, I support women & femmes of color to rest, enjoy their lives, have more fun & joy…. without guilt, shame, and “shoulds” in the process.

Throughout our time working together, I show you the tools you need to overcome internalized capitalism, now and for the rest of your life.

Want to learn more? Click here to apply.

When you apply to work with me, we’ll uncover what is in your way of thriving right now- and what you need to overcome it.

This is an individualized process based on your unique situation (No templated shit here.)

So don’t sleep on this opportunity to get support, and finally claim the thriving life you’ve been dreaming of.

You ready? Apply here.

Gigi

Reconnecting with Joy

Creating Joy

Exactly 20 years ago
I moved to California
in search of endless summers and 
heart-bursting, feel-good sunshine.

When I need to disconnect from all the
complexities of life
I get my fix of joy with
a dose of nature.

Green
Breeze
Trees
Sunshine
Flowers
Warm summer rain

Going outside to move my body
is like adding a
Super-charge to feeling joy.

Hiking
Running
Walking
Dancing where the water meets the sand

Checkout my latest publication: Reconnecting with Joy

I want to connect with YOU, dear reader.

Hit reply and tell me:
How will you reconnect with joy today?

Live well,
Gigi Gibbs

Just a Spoonful of Sugar!

We’re deep into the second half of 2021, y’all!
How is it going for you?

If you happen to be feeling meh and need a boost,
take note from one of my favorite childhood songs:

In every job that must be done
There is an element of fun

And every task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake

A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
—Mary Poppins!

To read more about finding the fun—in even the most mundane—and getting unstuck, check out my latest publication from Culver City Neighbors:

What’s New?

Happy Mindfulness-Birthday San Diego.

Y'all, we're going on four years!
In 2018 my business helped launch California's first-ever Mindfulness for Law Enforcement, which is still the largest program of its kind in the nation.

You don't need a badge to apply mindfulness.

Y’all I am reminded every night with my 4-year-old who is determined to prolong his bedtime!

Respond...don’t snap!

Breathe, Gigi

This is only temporary

Need some mindfulness?
Got 10 minutes?

Here’s one of my favorite guided meditations

If you need some support getting over the mid-year hump and want more clarity answering
"What do you want?" apply for a complementary Breakthrough Session.

Live well,

Gigi

Get Your SEXY Back! 4 Things for O-Mazing Sex

Get Your Sexy Back: 4 Things for O-Mazing Sex After Baby

(Psssst...you don’t need to have birthed a baby for this to apply)

Your hormones crashed, your body feels blah, and your libido has hit rock bottom.

Add to that the sheer exhaustion from 2am feedings and exerting so much damn energy to help your baby take a nap that lasts, oh, only 18 minutes, sex is also the last thing you feel like getting up for.

Give me the extra hour of sleep!

Fatigue aside, there’s also the physical discomfort that can leave a girl feeling tense and trepidatious about intercourse.

Let me tell you, sex after a baby is not the time to practice “getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.”

Not to mention, you might be feeling a little bit of anxiety because you just don’t want to be disappointed and not enjoy yourself.

So with that, here are 4 things a gal needs to get her sexy back!

#1 Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy.

Let me start by saying how pissed I was to not learn about PFPT until I was 41 and pregnant with baby #2.

This therapy should be essential care for ALL sexually active women, baby or not!

PFPT is a wonderful godsend to women’s health.

It can help with everything from painful sex to endometriosis to orgasm dysfunction to sexual trauma and it even helps you to not pee on yourself when you laugh!

I had PFPT during my 2nd pregnancy to help prepare my body for a safe, vaginal birth after previously having a cesarian (VBAC).

Then I went back for seconds after I gave birth so that I could support my body healing and so that sex would feel g o o d (if not better!) than before.

(Yes, y’all. Your Girl believes in this pelvic floor physical therapy stuff sooo much I was up in the doctor’s office at the PEAK of the pandemic, pre-vaccination...it was totally worth the risk, BTW.)

Whatever physical issue you’re dealing with, find a pelvic floor physical therapist to tune it up and add some vrrroooom to your engine. (Sorry for the car analogy...my 4 year-old is going through an obsessive car phase. It’s all I hear these days.)

#2 The next thing I’m going to recommend to get back to feeling fabulous in exploring your sexual self: Nair.

At the peak of the pandemic, I couldn’t even get a haircut, much less a bikini wax!

I had to do a throwback to my mother’s vanity cabinet!

With no access to a salon, Nair was my answer to get that super-silky smooth feel down there. Even with businesses reopening, it’s still my go-to. I don’t have to drive anywhere. I can do it safely at home.
And did I mention it’s absolutely painless!

(BTW, the next time you’re going through the pain of a bikini wax, remind yourself who you’re doing it for--YOU! In my 20s that shit was definitely for a man’s pleasure. But in my 30s & 40s it’s all for moi!)

After you’ve done some lady landscaping you just might find yourself wanting to touch and explore more…

#3 Which takes me to the next thing you need to get your sexy back:
Some quality lube!

Whether you're going for solo pleasure or connecting with your partner, take the pressure off yourself to provide all the juiciness needed to keep it comfortable.

Lube it up!

My go-to is Velvet Rose Water Based Personal Lubricant.

It’s super-clean feeling, not sticky, and it’s medical-device grade and FDA-registered.

It’s hands-down the best lubricant I have ever used! (pun totally intended!)

#4 Finally, the last thing needed to get your sexy back after baby (or some other hiatus) is The Rose vibrator.

Y’all, this little red dame of delight should be in every gal’s boudoir.

Seriously.

Get one. Now.

You’re welcome.

Whether you're worried about penetration after birth (see #1, PFPT), feeling satisfied or the added stress of pleasuring your partner, having this little magic device will help you get there, stress-free and pleasure-FULL!

Don’t believe me, just checkout what this reviewer said:

Hilarious! I couldn’t have said it better.

If you’re still reading, I’m putting all this out there because getting into one’s body is crucial for a high-performing woman.

She’s got waaay too much going on and needs to r-e-l-a-x

When a high-performing woman is stuck in her head, negative self-talk and the 3-headed horsemen named Guild, Shame and Should are running the show.

When a woman is connected to her body she is more:

• Creative

• Powerful

• Relaxed

• Connected

• Intuitive

• Confident

And less:

• Stressed

• Anxious

• Critical

• Controlling

• Fatigued

There are many ways to get into your body and connected with your Higher Self.
Sex, like language, is just one dialect of experiencing body-connectedness.

A pillar of my coaching framework includes helping women to get out of their minds, and into their bodies.

If you want to learn more about working together, apply for a complementary Breakthrough Session.

Live well,
Gigi

Feeling Your Freedom

Recently I had the privilege of visiting my children’s 86-year-old great-grandmother, Nana.

She went into her back room and puttered around for a bit. She came out with some old, tattered papers for me to keep.

One of the documents was the birth certificate of my children’s grandfather.  

It’s important to point out the context:
This is from Alabama in July of 1957. Jim Crow laws still ruled the South and Nana didn’t even have the right to vote. 

Now what struck me about this document (aside from the dated use of “Negro”) was that under “FATHER OF THE CHILD,” there is box 11a. “Usual Occupation.” 

However, under “MOTHER OF THE CHILD” there is no "occupation" title. 
Instead, it reads in box 16. “Children Previously Born To This Mother.” 

“How come there is no “Occupation” box for the mother?” I asked Nana.

“A woman’s job was to stay home and have children,” she said. 

That reality hit hard. 

This was a legal, state document. 

Y’all, we’re only talking 64 years ago!

64 years and states didn’t even recognize a woman’s choice to do anything other than reproduce and mind children. 

(Aside: As a mom, and recent SAHM over the past year, it’s not lost on me how challenging is “a woman’s work.” Your girl just wants options, y’all!)

As I drove home, I thought about the life I lead as a woman who has chosen to have a career and be a mother. 

Today, I’m feeling incredibly grateful:

• My job is in an industry I sought and chose.

• I am doing work I am passionate about and is impactful.

• My work-life doesn’t infringe upon the time I spend with my family.

• At the end of each day, I’m not feeling the heaviness of “Mom Guilt” because of time spent away from my children “because I have to work.”

• I enjoy a lot of autonomy over my time and choices.

• I am feeling free!

As some Americans recognize Independence Day today, I encourage you to pause and #Celebrate where you are feeling a sense of freedom and joy in your life. 

Truly honor yourself and feel the deep gratitude you have for the freedom you have seized and created. 

Take a moment to give appreciation to the “Nanas” in your life who have enabled you to enjoy this freedom. 

Feeling UnFree?

If there are parts of your life where you’re feeling trapped or unfulfilled, examine what choices you’re making. 

Ask, “How am I compromising my felt sense of freedom?”

What choices are making you feel like you’re 

• always on the go,

• beholden to “have tos,”

• guilty about “should dos,”

• and so far removed from the peace you deeply crave?

If you’re feeling stuck or unfree, book a complimentary Breakthrough Session with me.
We’ll spend 30 minutes collaborating on how to create more freedom and #EASE in your life.

This life is short.

Live well,

Gigi

Magazine Cover Feature!

#Celebrate!

Feeling super grateful and honored to be featured for the cover story of the magazine Culver City Neighbors!

Being interviewed for this story rekindled our relationship, which honestly had been s - t - r - e - s - s - e - d.

New baby + Pandemic = Aaaagggghhhhh!

Sharing our story, brought some laughs and fond memories.

My Pain is Your Gain

A great strategy I learned from relationship expert Marcia Berger that has helped us rebound like Wilt: Appreciation.

We've made a point to pause each week and take turns sharing 3-4 new things we appreciate about the other person.

This simple seven minute weekly exercise has helped shift our mindset and our marriage.

During the week I'll catch myself scanning for positive behaviors and making mental notes:

• "Ahhh! Fixing my bathroom drain from all my hair clogs. I appreciate that. I gotta share that one with him."

• "Buying all the groceries and putting them away . . . definitely grateful for you."

• "Cleaning up child's vomit. THANK YOU! I appreciate you!"

This has been much more productive than bitching and stewing about how he "incorrectly" loaded the dishwasher.

Plus, it's nice to be on the receiving end of appreciation.
I've been pleasantly surprised by some of the "little" things he notices.

Your Turn:

1. Think about a relationship that could use a boost (child/parent, sibling, partner, roommate, co-worker/employee, etc.).

2. What is something you genuinely appreciate about them?

3. Tell them!

4. Repeat. (People don't get tired of hearing how fabulous they are to you.)

Hit reply and let me know, who is one person you plan to intentionally show appreciation towards this week?

Live well,

 Gigi

My First Print Feature!

Celebrate with me!

My article, Quiet Time for Self, has been featured in Culver City Neighbors magazine.

This is my first-ever print feature, and I'm happy to share it with you.

I'd love for you to read it, fill your cup, and pass it along to someone else needing "permission" to R - E - L - A - X.

I am grateful for this journey of embracing, encouraging, and loving myself as a writer!

Shout out to publisher Chiqeeta Jameson for providing me with the platform and opportunity.

Extra special THANK YOU to my readers!  xoxo

PS. It gets better y'all . . . the magazine called to ask me to contribute monthly instead of quarterly. Woo-hoo!

PPS. Gets even better . . . the publisher forwarded my work on to four other publications who have asked to feature my writing! Yay!!

Live well,

Gigi

Best Sleep of Your Life: Part Three

Saved the Best for Last

How to get the MOST out of the sleep you crave

In case you missed it! Here's Part 1 & Part 2

Note: This email contains helpful links to connect you with some stuff I love. No affiliate strings attached.

This email is jam packed with sleep goodness so let’s dive right in!

My Favorite Sleeping Pill

My no-fail strategy to fall asleep fast is progressive muscle relaxation (PMR).

It’s like taking Ambien or Trazodone, but without all the pharma effects!

(C'mon. You didn't really think I was going to recommend sleeping pills did you??)

How To do PMR:

1. Simply inhale deeply, clinch your toes, hold for a beat, and exhale while releasing the tension in your feet.

2. Next, inhale again, flex your toes toward your head, hold for a beat, and exhale and release.

3. Continue to work your way up to your body, tightening and releasing each muscle group.
   Work your way up in this order: legs, glutes, abdomen, back, hands, arms, shoulders, neck, and face.
   Try to tighten each muscle group for a breath and then slowly release. Repeat any areas that feel especially stiff.

4. Take one final deep inhale, SQUEEZE EVERYTHING from head to toe. Exhale & Release.

5. Gnite!

Between the deep breathing and the muscle work, I barely ever make it past three breaths before I’m asleep!

This works great for falling back to sleep if you've awakened (or been woken up by a little person) in the middle of the night.

Hemp Oil

Sorry. This ain’t about getting, getting the munchies, having a carpet picnic only to pass out in order to get some sleep.

(Although that works too!)

Hemp oil contains less than 0.3% THC so it’s not going to cause any psychedelic effects.

What it does contain is the full-spectrum goodness of the whole hemp plant:
terpenes, chlorophyll, omega fatty acids, flavonoids, vitamins, and minerals — basically ingredients that are great for reducing inflammation, boosting your brain, improving your immune system response, all of which can help you feel better and sleep better.

I get mine from woven earth because it’s a clean, organic product that has supported my sleep during the gnarly sleep-deprived months of becoming a new parent!

Sleep Supplements & Drugs

My goal in writing these pieces is to support your sleep without the aid of OTC or prescription meds, but if you need support, get it and use it without shaming yourself or feeling bad. 

Perhaps, consider using your meds (a/o devices) in combination with some of the suggestions I’ve provided so that you can transition off the pills and get some sleep.

Today, I’m only going to sound off one sleep-specific supplement: Melatonin. 

I’m giving it my attention and precious real estate because Americans pop them like candy under the guise that it’s “natural” and drug-free.

I too fell prey to this, so I know I’m not alone.

Y’all, a HORMONE. 

Please. Tread lightly. 

Respect your endocrine system.

Scientists recommend between 0.3 mg and 1 mg of melatonin, yet most stores stock 5-mg or 10-mg pills.

Ahhh. The American Way: “If a little is good, then more must be better!” 

Wrong.

Too much melatonin can mess with your menstrual cycle, lactation, sperm count, and libido. 

Y’all, in parts of Europe you need a prescription to get melatonin.  

Ding! Ding! Ding! 

That should tell you something. 

Melatonin is not regulated like a drug by the FDA, and nobody has ever tested it to make sure it’s safe for long-term use. It is completely unregulated and understudied.  

I’m going to get off my melatonin soap box now.

Poke Me, Please

I regularly use “alternative medicine” as my first line of offense for prevention and as my second line of defense against sickness
(which I rarely experience . . . y’all following the trend line here? Keep reading.)

Acupuncture is commonly used in treating insomnia in China, and clinical studies have shown that acupuncture may have a beneficial effect on insomnia, especially when compared with Western meds.

When I’ve used acupuncture for bouts of sleeplessness, I’ve benefited not only in my sleep patterns, but I find I live more at ease, I’m less stressed, and I’m more present with and in my body. 

What’s cool is most PPO’s cover acupuncture, so check with your plan.

But Wait

• Don’t Do Needles?

• No Insurance Coverage?

• Still not ready to venture outside your home?

I gotch’u

You can get acupuncture VIRTUALLY — with no needles!

My beloved acupuncturist, Trace, developed a methodology called, Spoken Point, using MAGNETS to activate specific points on the body instead of needles!

How it works:

• You order a $100 reusable kit that contains everything you need to self-treat at home.

• Her website provides all sorts of treatment options where she walks you through how to set up and apply the magnets.

• I recommend her Deep Sleep treatment. Delicious to the mind & body.

I love this because it overcomes so many barriers regarding access to care (geography, needle-nerves, transportation, insurance, cost, etc.). 

Now for my Holy Grail to sweet sleep...

(Drum roll please . . .)

CBT-I

The Gold Standard that is Completely Substance-Free

I could have just written the whole damn thing about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia and been done — but that wouldn’t be as fun.

Plus, when CBT-I is combined with some of the strategies I outlined for you, up to 80% of CBT-I patients experience sustained improvements. 

Benefits include:

• less time to fall asleep,

• more time spent asleep, and

• waking up less during sleep.

What I like best: Studies show results are often maintained over time.

Y’all, I successfully did CBT-I while pregnant. 

If it can work for someone with pre-existing insomniatic conditions, PLUS all the changes happening to a woman’s body while growing another human being, then the ‘ish is legit. 

(For those without children . . . sleep deprivation doesn’t start once the baby is born. Oh no. Mother nature is much too wise and prepares a woman, “You really should get acclimated to functioning on only 5 hours of interrupted sleep, so we’re going to get you some practice starting with some uncomfortable back and hip pains!”)

With America’s sleep epidemic you might be wondering, “Why haven’t I heard about this CBT-i?” 

For the same damn reason you don’t have lobbyist in Washington fighting for broccoli . . . $$$$

In 2019, the U.S. sleep economy was valued at about $79 billion and sleep aids (e.g. devices or meds like Xanax and Lunesta) accounted for $34.93 billion. 

But don’t worry — I got you. 

Shhhh…Want to know a dirty little secret?

CBT-I is more effective than medications!!!

(Research here and here are great evidence.)

The efficacy of CBT-i is rooted in the multi-pronged approach, using modalities that address one’s behaviors and mindset. 

• If you need some support here are some practitioners I personally trust that are providing CBT-I via telehealth.
  
  

• Even better, is the app CBT-i Coach app that was developed by Stanford with the Veteran’s Administration. You can go through the program in the privacy of your own home at your own pace.
  
  

• Here is a great article to learn more about CBT-i.

The Final Word on Sleep

This last hack is about what you won’t find in my bedroom. I’ve already shared about ditching my phone, but I also don’t have a television, a clock, my laptop, or any other electronic devices in my bedroom. 

Clock Watchers

I have an infant and a toddler, so who needs an alarm clock?! 

Real talk though, sleep researchers find that people struggling with insomnia tend to stress more about their sleep when they have a clock in the bedroom.

It’s a nagging reminder of how much sleep they aren’t getting. It’s a vicious, sleep-sucking cycle. 

Plus, if it’s a clock that glows in the dark, that’s more light pollution mucking up what should be a dark, cave-like room.

When I have to wake up for a specific time I just use a portable kitchen timer on my bedside table. 

Do Me Baby

Just like the Emperor of Pop didn't, I also don’t keep a television in my bedroom — but this ain't about sleep hygiene. 

Research shows couples who have a TV in their bedroom have sex 50% less than those who don’t. 

Real Talk: My sex life took a HUGE cliff dive after having children, so I need as much working for me as possible! I think Prince would approve.

Remember from Part 1, Big Os = Better sleep! 

Sex aside, research shows that removing the television from the bedroom results in more and better sleep.

Not only does a television in the bedroom keep us up later at night, but there are also studies that indicate watching television before bed actually disrupts sleep cycles and decreases REM.

Laptop...Buh-Bye

I also keep my laptop out of my bedroom at night. 

At times during the pandemic, I’ve had to escape to my bedroom and use it as an office. 

I’m very, very intentional about taking my laptop out of my bedroom at the end of each day. 

Otherwise, when I’m trying to rest and relax, my laptop is staring at me and the thoughts and guilt start creeping in, “Oh! I should work on this...” or “Uh! Let me just email that...” 

One woman with her home office in her bedroom recently confessed to me, “I just roll out of bed and start working. I can’t help it, but I need to stop.” 

Which takes me to . . .

The B-Word

Yup. Y’all know what I’m talking about: Bedtime Boundaries.

Get some.

While boundaries can, and sometimes should, be conversations you have others, boundaries are also conversations you have — first and foremost — with YOURSELF. 

In this dialogue, you decide what you want to allow in your sphere of experience.

It’s not just about the behaviors you will or will not accept from others, but becoming aware of the personal boundaries you yourself are violating. 

Do you have personal boundaries around your sleep? 

There was a time I didn’t either. 

Examples help, so here are some of my sleep boundaries:

• Work/Computer is off by 8:30pm or earlier. (Work will still be there tomorrow and the world will not end.)

• I don’t watch/read/listen to anything scary or disturbing at night (e.g. News, NPR, horror movies)

• Only light, comedic, sports or HGTV-type of television

It really is about loving and honoring yourself and knowing that your well-being is worth saying "yes" to.

Protect your sleep and ditching the distractions.

All right, y'all. This is a wrap for my 3-part Sleep Series.

Hit reply and share with me what you liked and want to try (or what you want to stop doing) in order to get more sleep!

I hope you benefited from this 3-part series just as much as I enjoyed creating it for you!

May you get some much needed sleep!

PS. Want More? Here are some additional resources to support some sound slumber: 

Yin Yoga for Relaxation I love to do this in the evening. Plus, stretching your legs has been shown to improve the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Feeling lazy? Just do legs up the wall for 5 minutes and call it a night!

Aunt Flo come to town? Preggo? Menopausal?
Women & Sleep by UCLA has some interesting info about how a woman’s sleep is affected by all these hormonal changes. 

Here are straight to the point (and far less entertaining!) tips on how to improve your sleep hygiene.

Sleep well

~ Gigi